so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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