I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
