My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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