So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
