How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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