i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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