Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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