I think my fart just growled at me.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
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