I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
