You smell like stripper and shame
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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