Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
