he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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