the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
