dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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