Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
