Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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