I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
