I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
