Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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