You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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