a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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