He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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