Will you blow on my dice?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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