You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
