I've blown a few things in my day
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
