OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I would fuck him just for his dog
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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