I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
