Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
