so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
