Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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