i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
