I puked a lego.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize