the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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