TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize