...so i touched it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
