So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
