Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
