didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
