remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
