I'm jealous of your bromance
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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