He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
