If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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