We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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