he shaved USA in his pubs
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
