Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize