Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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