i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
