he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
