thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
