when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
