i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
