Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize