just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
His hands were made for my vagina.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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