I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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