no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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