I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize