I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
