i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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