i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
