I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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