I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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