i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You've changed since you got that strap on
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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