Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
