Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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