It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
