Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
