he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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