so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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