Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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