Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
