No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
