it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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