He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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