So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
