so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
