your thong is hanging out like whoa
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
