i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
