I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
