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I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
