he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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