It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
