so that wasnt chicken after all
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
