And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
