You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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