How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she smelled like a LAN party
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
