im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Randomize
