i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize