I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
