OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
