It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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