It's like God shit irony all over that family
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
