apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize