Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
