...so i touched it.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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