Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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