I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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