nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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