Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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