i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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