it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
