You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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