So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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