Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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