my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
