are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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